


Healed

by kardamon



Category: True Blood
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Smarter Sookie, season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-16 17:53:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5835169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kardamon/pseuds/kardamon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sookie reacts differently when Eric comes to tell her that he's healed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by Breathesgirl :)

Sookie Stackhouse tossed in her bed and sighed for the hundredth time that night. Lord knew she needed some rest but sleep, the elusive bastard, wouldn't find her. There was too much to worry about!

She really had had a week from hell: the pack of infected vampires attacked her home town and kidnapped her friends. Her best friend and boyfriend died gruesome deaths. Eric showed up after six months of absence only to reveal that he was sick and that he too was running on borrowed time and then she learned that her first love, Bill Compton, was infected with Hep-V as well and that the disease was progressing unusually fast in his case. She sighed again.

She felt bad about Bill, she really did, especially since it turned out that she was the one who had infected him. She felt like she owed it to him to be there for him at the end so he wouldn't feel alone. It seemed like the least she could do… Only she couldn't.

She had tried. She had gone to his house and waited for him with Jessica and then they had talked and made peace, and she was actually grateful for that, since it gave them closure and a chance to forgive each other – him for the fact she unintentionally infected him and her for all his past betrayals and the heartache he had caused her…

It was all good – sad, but good – until it became apparent that the virus was starting to affect Bill's mental capacities: he had started hallucinating.

From what she could tell by listening to his mumbled words he dreamed up a vision of her coming to him once again in a virginal white dress, as she had once done, and accepted him back into her life as a romantic partner. That wouldn't have been so bad but when he started to imagine having sex with her she decided that she could no longer be witness to his suffering: she needed to leave. Jessica had understood. Frankly, it was embarrassing and disturbing and she felt bad for witnessing it.

Sookie sighed again. She couldn't help but feel guilty. Everyone and everything was dying around her. Misery followed her every step. Maybe she really should just leave town and…

The noise from downstairs interrupted her train of thought. She frowned but after a moment the sound repeated and she identified it as someone knocking on the door.

"What now?" she grumbled as she got out of bed.

She threw on her bathrobe and stomped down the stairs, angry that someone had the nerve to come to her house at that time of night. Then she sobered up – what if something had happened? What if it was Jessica? Maybe she came to tell her that Bill…

Sookie swung the door open and gasped when it revealed the tall frame of the vampire standing on her porch. He wasn't who she had expected.

"Eric!" she cried out, feeling the simultaneous rush of relief from seeing him still undead and sorrow at the thought that it was only temporary comfort.

"Nice outfit," he commented taking in her bathrobe-clad form.

Sookie's emotions got the better of her: she acted on instinct and before he had a chance to explain himself she reached for him and grabbed him roughly by the lapels of his leather jacket to pull his face closer to hers. She was seething.

"Where have you been?" she yelled. "And why weren't you answering your phone? Would it kill you to at least send me a text? What the hell is wrong with you!"

Much to her dismay Eric seemed rather amused and pleased with himself.

"Did you worry for me, lover?" he purred.

"You bet I was worried! You tell me you're dying and then you're not answering my calls? What was I supposed to think? What the hell, Eric?"

"I was busy," he said cheekily.

There was a smirk on his face that was making her mad as a wet hen. The last time she'd seen him he had seemed to be resigned and calm but the sadness and exhaustion was weighing heavily on him, but now, now his apparent inappropriate good mood was just pissing her off.

"You can't keep doing this! First you drop off the face of Earth for months without letting anybody know what's going on with you and if you were okay, and then you get yourself sick and disappear again! I didn't even know if you were alive! I'm so fucking angry at you right now!"

He grinned even wider and his eyes danced.

"You're talking too much," he said and silenced her with a swift kiss.

He smiled against her lips when she melted against him after initially freezing for a second, but then frowned when he smelled her tears. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers.

"Sookie…" he breathed, stroking her hair with his calloused hand. "Shhh, it's okay."

She trembled in his arms and the shadow of the old blood-bond was just enough for him to recognise that it was because of pain.

"How can you say that?" she whispered bitterly. "Nothing is okay. Damn it, Eric! You're dying! It's not fucking okay!"

She hit him weakly on the chest, not really wanting to hurt him, but in a helpless act of frustration and then fisted the fabric of his tank-top in her hands. She dropped her gaze, avoiding looking into his eyes, since she didn't want to cry, instead she stared at his chest.

Suddenly she stiffened as her eyes fixed on the path of pale skin uncovered by her mistreatment of his clothes, just above the edge of his tank-top. She swallowed hard, her mouth feeling dry. Her heart-beat sped up wildly and she could hear the rhythmical rush of her own blood in her ears. She stood there frozen, equally afraid to look away and risk that what she was seeing would disappear and to believe that it wouldn't…

_God, please, let it be true. Please, let it not be another dream, I can't wake up now._

She licked her lips, still not looking up.

"Eric?" she said and it broke his heart a little to hear how small her voice was. "Are you… What…?"

She couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence, the unexpected hope crushing her chest, too painful and fragile to voice aloud.

"That's what I was trying to tell you," Eric said gently. "I came here to let you know that you don't need to worry about me anymore. I'm fine."

Instead of replying Sookie rolled down the dark fabric of the tank-top with trembling hands as far it would stretch, finding only smooth, milky-white skin underneath it. She inhaled deeply.

"Take it off," she demanded sharply.

Eric leered at her teasingly.

"If you wanted me to strip for you, all you had to do was…"

"Take it off, Eric," she repeated, without a hint of humour in her voice. "I need to see."

Without another word, he stepped back and shrugged off his jacket before dropping it carelessly on the porch floor. Despite the seriousness of the situation he couldn't quite stop himself from preening and the smirk from tugging at the corner of his mouth when he stepped into the circle of light from the lantern and slowly took off his tank-top and tossed it aside.

Sookie watched, mesmerised, as he uncovered the expanse of flawless skin. She inched closer to him until she could touch him. She unashamedly ran her hands up and down his impressive arms and across his chest. The dreaded black veins were gone as if she had dreamed them up in the first place. He was standing tall and proud, once again strong and as healthy as a vampire could be. She finally looked up into his sparkling eyes.

"Tell me it's true," she asked, a desperate plea in her voice. "Tell me it's not some kind of trick, and you're not still sick but just found some way to hide it – that Pam didn't paint you with stage make-up, or something…"

He barked with laughter. He had been in a continuously great mood ever since he beat the decease, his _joie de vivre_ flaring right back up and replacing the feeling of grief and depression that had been haunting him for the past six months. He felt healed in more ways than one.

He quickly sobered up when he realised Sookie wasn't laughing with him.

"I promise, Sookie," he said solemnly. "It's not a trick. I'm cured."

She closed the gap between them and hugged him tightly, resting her head against his naked chest and letting herself cry when her strained nerves finally relaxed and a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. He was there in the flesh. He was real.

"I was so scared," she admitted, her voice faltering. "Don't you dare ever do that again!"

She kissed the place where his silent heart was and something inside him unravelled further in reaction to this simple gesture. He had already accepted that he was going to always have a soft spot for Sookie Stackhouse but he was pleasantly surprised at the way she welcomed him when he returned to Bon Temps. It was bittersweet to hear the joy in her voice when she realised it was him at Bill's door but before she fully took in the sight of him, and then to watch the expression on her face change when understanding hit her. It was extremely selfish, but he found an odd sense of comfort in the fact that she cared enough to be affected.

After their talk he believed she did care. It was what brought him to her doorstep. Plus, almost dying was good for putting things into perspective. There were very few people besides Pam (and Ginger – he snickered inwardly) who would miss him if he was gone. He quite liked the thought that Sookie Stackhouse was one of them. She happened to be one of the few he cared about as well.

She deserved to know – and now he knew he had done the right thing by coming.

"I'm okay, Sookie," he said stroking her back. "It's okay."

His soothing touch and murmured words of comfort slowly started to work and she felt herself beginning to calm down. She didn't want to think about ending the embrace and leaving the safe bubble that existed within his arms.

"I've already told you once that I've lost too many people in my life," she whispered, as if afraid to break the spell.

Eric closed his eyes momentarily, remembering the moment she meant and the words that followed:

_I can't lose you too._

"You've lost even more since then," he remarked.

"Yes. I have."

She looked up at him, her eyes like two dark pools, deep and earnest. She raised her hand and slowly, as if asking for permission, cupped his cheek.

"I can't lose you, Eric," she echoed seriously.

He looked into her eyes for a few seconds, as if both searching for something and making some kind of decision, and then he said calmly:

"You haven't."


	2. Chapter 2

She moved her hand to caress his face softly. With her thumb stroking his brow his eyelids fluttering at the sensation.

"So… there is a cure?" she asked softly.

"Mhmm… yes, there is," he said lazily, "but don't tell anyone."

She smiled, thinking he was joking.

"Why not?"

"It's a secret." His eyes popped open and his tone changed. "I mean it, Sookie. _Don't_ tell anyone."

"I don't understand… It's good news, isn't it?"

"It's a long story."

She looked at him searchingly for a few seconds.

"Why don't you come inside and tell me about it?" she asked sliding her hands down and taking one of his hands in her own and stepping back to lead him to the door. He didn't miss the fact that she had just invited him in but it wasn't the time.

"No, lover," he said. "It's late. I just wanted to tell you I'm cured but I need to go now."

Her face fell.

"Oh," she said and he could hear a hint of rejection in her voice. "You could always stay here?… I mean, if you need a place to stay, there is still the cubby…"

He waited until her eyes settled back on his.

"I would love to," he told her, "but I have to make it back to Shreveport before dawn."

She nodded quickly, biting her lower lip.

"Of course. I understand."

He gave her a reassuring smile before letting go of her to pick up his discarded clothes and get dressed.

"Eric, wait!" she called before he could take off.

He quirked an eyebrow, "You should know... Bill is sick!"

He stilled, "What?" he asked.

The expression on his face changed as he took in the bad news. He'd never been a friend of Bill Compton's but old habits die hard and in a way Eric still felt responsible for the vampires in his old area, even though he was no longer the sheriff. For a second a pang of old hurt made itself known when he thought of Sookie's concern for Bill but he quickly scolded himself: his jealousy was irrational. It was true that he had smelt Bill's blood in Sookie the night he had returned and found her in his house, but she had ended things with the younger vampire a long time ago and had been in a relationship with Alcide for months, up until the wolf's recent death. There was nothing going on between Sookie and Bill.

"I infected him," she confessed dropping her eyes. Eric's eyebrows shot up. Understanding dawned on him.

"You feel guilty," he stated.

"Yes. I gave him some of my blood just before you came back. He hadn't fed for some time and I wanted him to be strong before the fight…"

_How fucking ironic –_ Eric thought, keeping himself from saying as much out loud.

"I didn't know you were Hep-V positive," he mused. He filed away for later the question who had tested her and if there was evidence to get rid of in case someone noticed the uniqueness of her blood.

She snorted.

"Yeah, well, I didn't know either. I had been tested just a few days before so I thought I was safe, but…"

Suddenly, her eyes widened in horror and her hand flew to her mouth.

"Oh my God, Eric, you kissed me! What if…"

He caught her hand and moved it aside.

"You can't infect me," he said quickly, looking into her panicked eyes. "I'm immune."

He grinned at her devilishly as he added:

"Fret not my little fairy, you may kiss me as much as you wish," and to prove his point, he leaned down and planted a peck on her lips.

The wicked, predatory part of him took a dark pleasure at the thought that he was now essentially the only vampire that could taste and touch her. Some of that greed must have been mirrored in his expression because Sookie shivered more from the look on his face than from his kiss.

When he saw that his assurance relaxed her a bit he returned to the previous topic of their conversation. He didn't have much time left if he wanted to beat the sun and he had no intentions of making the Japanese suspicious if he didn't show up at Fangtasia by daybreak.

"The cure exists," he confirmed, "but I made a deal with a devil to get it. One of the conditions was that I would not tell anybody about it."

"What do you mean?" she asked confused. "Are you telling me that the cure won't be used to stop the Hep-V outbreak? That all those sick vampires won't get it?"

"They will," he said quickly, "but not just yet and only in a diluted form."

"Bill can't wait," she warned him. "He doesn't have that kind of time."

Eric frowned.

"And why is that? If he just got infected, he should have at least…"

"The virus is spreading really quick," Sookie cut him off. "It's probably… because of my blood. Of what I am. He looks worse than you did when you came back and he started hallucinating tonight. Eric, please, help him. It's my fault he's sick."

"Fuck," Eric cursed softly. This was bad. He remembered that when he was sick the hallucinations didn't start up until the very end. He took a moment to sort through his options.

"Sookie, listen to me," he said urgently. "I'll try to find a way to get the cure for Bill, but I have to go now and I need you to promise me that you'll wait for me to contact you and won't try to do anything on your own. Don't come to Fangtasia, either. The people I'm dealing with are very rich and quite dangerous. I can't afford tipping them off, it could get us all killed. I don't want you anywhere near them."

His face hardened when he was talking about the Yakuza and Sookie suspected that there was more to the story than he was letting on. She wasn't wrong about that, as the people he was talking about worked for the very same corporation that had been responsible for his forced transition into the States two decades before and for the murder of his lover.

Eric could admit to himself that he had made a terrible mistake, and an embarrassingly stupid one for a vampire his age, by not heeding Nan's warning but it caught him off guard and temporarily blinded him when he had become unexpectedly charmed by a woman beyond the short-lived desire to spend a night with her. In his defense he genuinely didn't think that his actions warranted such a harsh punishment, naively thinking that it was just about Nan jerking his chain. A threat of exposure? There were vampires who hunted in the crowded cities, like Bill and Lorena, leaving the trails of bodies behind them, for fuck's sake. All he had done was have sex with, and feed from his _willing_ lover on the empty field in a fucking _vineyard_ of all places! Seriously, was there any better place to make red stains look inconspicuous? No, the real lesson was not about remembering about what was best for his kind, but about following orders without questioning them.

He had underestimated the danger and Sylvie paid for his recklessness. Her death weighed heavily on his conscious. He didn't quite love her, at least not yet, but he certainly cared deeply for her and he knew that she trusted him completely, perhaps even blindly. He had failed her. He wasn't about to make the same mistake twice. He also wasn't fool enough to risk simply killing Mr Gus – he could, of course, easily take him out with Pam's help, along with his goons, but that would be hardly the end of it. The Japanese government was already aware of the cure and they would not be giving that goldmine up willingly. Eric saw how easily they found Sarah and he had no illusions that they wouldn't use their resources against him. He needed to plan something better than that. He did, however, intend to let them know that he wasn't going to let them keep him on a short leash. He wasn't a pet to be trained and put on show, he was a Viking! They were never going to really trust each other but if this co-operation was going to work, it had to be based on respect.

"Okay," Sookie said shaking him out of his thoughts. "I get it. I promise not to do anything stupid."

He smirked at the way she phrased it.

"Who are these people, Eric?" she asked seriously.

"Japanese mafia."

"Holy shit!"

"That's about right – so sit tight and wait for my call."

"Yes, sir," she saluted.

He gave her a lopsided smile that once used to be naughty but now she could feel the real warmth behind it.

"That's my girl," he crooned and for a second they both tensed when the meaning of his words hit them. "I really have to go now," he added and stepped back.

"Hey, Eric!" she called after him again when she saw that he was about to leave. He looked at her questioningly. "Thank you for doing this," she said softly. "And please, be careful."

Always a flirt, he took her hand and kissed her knuckles lightly, looking deeply into her eyes.

"Right back at you, Miss Stackhouse," he said before letting her hand slip out of his grasp and jumping off the porch.

He took off into the air without another word, leaving her alone on the old porch. She just stood there for a moment, looking into the slowly fading darkness of the pre-dawn sky and simply taking everything in. She inhaled deeply as the elusive feeling of peace filled her for the first time in days. Something was finally going right.

This time, when she went to bed, she didn't toss or sigh. She had no time for that – she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.


	3. Chapter 3

Eric Northman touched the ground of the Fangtasia parking lot exactly five minutes before the first ray of sun broke over the horizon.

He strolled leisurely toward the door which was guarded by two Asians, associates of Mr. Gus'. They watched him walk towards them but didn't say a word nor did they stop him from entering.

His eyes met Pam's: She was sitting at the table with Mr. Gus and discussing the details of the advertisement campaign.

Eric's arrival caused a pause in the conversation, "Where were you?" Pam asked in her typical bored voice. The question was bound to be asked sooner or later and it was better if it was Pam who voiced it rather than their Japanese partner in crime. It would give Eric more room to maneuver while answering – after all, he didn't have to care about being polite while talking to his own child.

"I had some catching up to do," he said nonchalantly.

"Business or pleasure?" Mr. Gus asked, seemingly just to make small talk.

Eric's answering smile was positively lascivious, "Pleasure."

It was best to keep it simple and make everyone believe he was just thinking with his dick – it was an explanation every man could understand and wouldn't question too much. He didn't mind being thought of as a pig if it bought him a measure of safety. He had never cared if others perceived him in a positive light unless they were important to him.

Pam's curiosity spiked at his admission and she inhaled discreetly when Eric came closer in order to gauge if he was telling the truth or just making a convenient cover for whatever he'd been up to.

It would be easy for vampire senses to pick up on the distinctive smell of sex but she didn't find it on Eric. She did, however, detect a faint scent – it was lingering on his skin, but not strongly enough to permeate his clothes and she probably wouldn't have noticed it if not for the fact that she knew it far too well for her liking: Sookie's scent.

_What did she do,_ _ **hug**_ _him?_ – Pam thought mockingly. _How generous of her!_

It wasn't the scent itself that was unpleasant – Pam had to admit that the part-fairy smelled delicious – it was the grudge she held against the telepath that made the scent unwelcome. Pam had no romantic designs on Eric – men were not really her type any more – but she knew that what she was feeling had a lot to do with jealousy, although it wasn't over whose bed Eric chose to crawl into. He could share his body with whomever he wished – it was sharing her maker's attention and affection that Pam minded: She wasn't used to that.

Despite the image Eric had created for himself of being a casual and unfeeling vampire he actually had a lot of love in him to give to others.

He was used to loving more than one person at the same time: he doted on Pam, but there had also been Godric and Nora, whose existence Pam had not even been aware of until shortly before her True Death.

It was different for Pam: for more than a century there had only been the two of them: No one else mattered. She had not cared for anybody else in her entire existence, with the all too brief exception of Tara, but Tara was gone before they ever really got a chance to know one another.

Even as a human she had not had a loving family or close friends she could depend on. She had been on her own, fighting tooth and nail for everything in her life, until Eric came along, so he became the focal point of her world since her first rising.

When he had first come face to face with her, both brutal and elegant at the same time, unashamed of his bloody appearance, she had been terrified but she had held his gaze and she had seen in his eyes something that probably mirrored her own expression: curiosity.

In that moment she had felt for the first time in her life as if someone was not only looking at her, but that someone actually _saw_ her: not the costume she wore every day, not the artificial mask of her make-up, not the dress which both covered and revealed her shape, not her status or profession. He wasn't seeing her upbringing, her age, or her gender. It wasn't even her face that he saw. It was _her,_ her real self, that Eric saw that long ago night. And it had been _her_ he had sought out afterwards, not her blood or her body. It had been _her_ he had taken unapologetically, it had been _her_ he wanted. And because of that Pam didn't stop to think of _what_ he was, she only wanted to learn about _who_ he was, just like he did her. She could see that he was not human but she had seen all kinds of monsters in human skin before and they had seemed much more revolting to her.

There was a darkness to Eric but also grace. He was merciless but not malicious. Violent and lethal, yet in some twisted way honorable.

What he had really taken from her that fateful night was a part of her soul. In an act of desperate bravery she had pushed him to take more – to take everything – so he had taken her life and he had given her a new one: The one in which she could be _herself._

It was natural for her to put him first and the mere thought of putting someone not only above him, but equally high, felt like a betrayal to her – and for a very long time it felt like she had had the same special place in Eric's heart that he had in hers.

Of course she knew about Godric and had accepted his place in Eric's life but that was different; it was something she could relate to since she experienced the same devotion to her own maker first hand – but then she had discovered he had a vampire sister he had never even told her about, and shortly after that he had created another child and it had hurt.

Pam hated to admit it but it made her feel insecure. It was easy to question the role of the others in his life. She wondered if Eric wasn't somehow loving her less by loving others as well, if the love he offered them was the same love that used to belong only to her: if giving it away elsewhere wasn't causing there to be less left for her.

She didn't see that loving another would mean that Eric's heart would simply expand to create enough love for everyone, instead she felt that his love for others fell under the same harsh mathematical rules as sharing any physical object would, and that she would have to be content to hold just a small slice of it when she was used to having it all to herself. It still wasn't as hard a pill for her to swallow as seeing him risking his life for that… that… fairy-flavoured _cunt_ who wasn't even of his blood-line. On the top of everything else the ungrateful little bitch didn't seem to realize what she had or appreciate Eric's efforts and the risks he'd taken for her time and time again just to keep her safe and happy and instead of thanking him she'd broken his heart!

Pam's angry inner musings caused her to speak up:

"Don't tell me that you left me here to do all the work while you went to see…" she saw the steely glint of warning in his eyes the moment she started talking and it wasn't just a good-natured scolding, but a deadly serious threat. Only at the last moment did she realize why the look was so frosty and exactly what he was warning her about. She seamlessly changed the way she intended to end her sentence: "…some slut."

Eric might not like Pam calling Sookie names, but the name wasn't what the look was about – the one name which, if uttered, might prove to be an unforgivable sin at the moment was Sookie's own name. Giving away her identity was something Eric didn't want to risk.

Eric cocked his eyebrow "Jealous?" he asked, ruffling her hair – a gesture that could be read as an affectionate caress, but for Pam, who could sometimes spend hours working on her hair and who didn't let anybody touch it, it was also a form of mild admonishment. It also worked to distract Mr. Gus from what they were talking about.

Had it been anybody else other than Eric they would have lost their hand for messing with her hair.

Pam's fangs snapped down of their own accord, "Don't ruin my hair!" she hissed automatically.

_Farther, brother, son –_ she thought sarcastically and then added another noun to the list - _asshole._

Eric flashed her a grin as if he could hear her thoughts. Who knows? Maybe Sookie's telepathy was rubbing off on him?

"You'll have to fix it tonight anyway," he said, shrugging. "It's time for us to go to rest.

Mr. Gus, if you'll excuse us," he turned to the man in question, "the dawn is coming: We need to go to ground for the day. If there is anything of importance you want to tell us, please, say it now. I'm afraid the rest of the discussion will have to wait until dusk."

Even if the businessman didn't like it he had no choice but to acknowledge the fact that vampires were creatures of the night and there was no stopping the rising sun or vampires reaction to it.

"Of course," he simply said, nodding. "I understand. I have some business to take care of during the day so I won't be here when you wake up, but my people will keep you company until I return.

Mr. Northman, your entertainment is none of my business, but it would be...problematic if anyone were to find out that you have been healed before we release our product so I would appreciate it if you kept a low profile until then. We wouldn't want any of your… friends to spread gossip about a cure. I hope you understand. Please don't do anything to… jeopardise our co-operation while I'm gone."

A clear warning: we'll be watching you. Don't do anything stupid.

Eric smiled tightly but kept his face neutral.

"I understand perfectly well what you're saying, Mr. Gus," he replied. "There is nothing for you to be concerned about: you're right, what I'm doing behind closed doors is my business but I have no intention of parading myself and my conquests in public. You don't have to worry about premature news of my recovery: I've been gone from this area for about six months so even if someone sees me they won't know I was sick in the first place."

"Very well. Still… I ask for your discretion."

Eric nodded and gestured for Pam to come with him. She stood up, glad that she was off the hook, and said her goodbyes before following Eric to the basement where they both slipped inside the secure travel coffins. They didn't really need to be literally underground and most of the time Eric preferred to lock himself in his office if he had to spend the day in Fangtasia but they were taking advantage of the fact that the Japanese didn't know their routine.

They wanted to stay close to Sarah in case their new partners thought it would be a good idea to play them: she was the best insurance policy because the corporation wouldn't risk anything happening to her and they could both get out of their coffins without the threat of burning in the sun if there was an emergency. Of course they had made sure a long time ago that no one could open the coffins from the outside so it would be very difficult to surprise them with a sudden attack, even in their sleep.

After Eric got into his coffin and closed the lid he took a minute to think of his options. He had promised Sookie that he would help but he had to proceed with caution. Obtaining the cure wasn't the problem – Sarah was right there and he could draw some of her blood and then heal the bite mark without anyone noticing. It was getting the cure out of Fangtasia without raising the alarm that could prove tricky.

He could demand a vial of Sarah's blood as a vaccine for Willa and take a little more than he had to but then he'd be alerting the Yakuza to the fact that he had another progeny and they wouldn't hesitate to use that information for leverage if needed.

The last thing he wanted to do was to bring Willa more trouble. He had already screwed up enough where his youngest child was concerned and he could only hope that now, when his time on Earth wasn't limited, he would be able to find a way to make it up to Willa. Making her a pawn in this dangerous game, however, wasn't a good place to start.

He could arrange for someone to sneak in through the tunnel and carry the cure out of Fangtasia without being detected. No one would suspect him if the transfer took place during the day. For some strange reason Sookie's brother came to mind: Jason wasn't too bright, but would make, and had already proven to be, a fine soldier. Eric had his phone in his pocket, all it could take would be to make a call - of course this solution would come with the risk of Sookie getting involved… he sighed.

He could also take a gamble and sneak out himself after nightfall, counting on Pam to distract their 'friends' until he was back – but if he was to be discovered, or if Mr. Gus returned too early, it would be obvious that he was up to something underhanded.

There was one more option left and he thought he liked it the best. It wasn't without risk either but it would give him an opportunity to show the Japanese that he wasn't going to roll over and play dead or bark on command: he could force them to make the first move against him and take a justified action to ensure his own safety. Fangtasia had a surveillance system but the footage didn't include sound. He could provoke them into attacking him.

Mr. Gus was too smart for that to work on him, but he wasn't going to be there and the rest were just pawns, easily played and disposed of. After getting rid of them he would dutifully report the incident, claim self-defense and refuse to be subjected to similar attempts on his life in future, which would open the door to renegotiate the way their relationship was going to work. It would also buy him a few hours to leave the bar without the tail and complete his mission in peace.

He spent a few more minutes working on the details of his plan before he was satisfied. He allowed himself a moment to relax before giving in to the pull of the sun and reflected on his night. All in all things were going well. He needed to tread carefully but he was in a much better place than just the week before.

It felt surprisingly good to be back. Willa didn't give him a warm welcome, and he couldn't say that he blamed her. He had turned out to be a shitty maker to her and had done one of the few things he thought he would never do – he abandoned his newly turned child and just took off when he felt that he was close to his breaking point. He hadn't intended to be gone for so long but things got complicated when he was forced to hide while healing from the severe case of sunburn and then caught the virus.

There was no excuse for what he had done but there was an explanation and he owed it to Willa, along with a promise that if she would ever let him, he would be there for her and do better if given a second chance. He hoped that once her anger faded she would allow him to earn her forgiveness. He might be a crappy maker, but he was the only maker she had. He didn't push it the last time he saw her because he thought he would be forced to leave her again soon anyway, so any promises he could have offered her had seemed empty and she had had enough of those.

His thoughts drifted to the other woman he had left in Louisiana six months before. She seemed to be quite pleased to see him back. He licked his lips and found the faint taste of the kiss they shared still lingering there.

He stopped himself from purring like a cat. Her warm body had felt wonderful in his arms. He indulged in his desire to let himself enjoy the last traces of her elusive scent which was still clinging to his skin. Now that he was back he finally acknowledged what he had not been admitting to himself while he'd been gone: he had missed her.

He wasn't sure if it was because of the six month long separation or because he nearly died but it felt as if most of the painful details from their past had faded and become less significant in comparison to the memories of the good things which had stayed vivid in his mind.

He had a feeling it was the same way for her. Finally there was no mistrust or distance between them. He didn't detect even a hint of the usual suspicion she had always regarded him with, even after she had come to care for him. He wasn't the villain in the story anymore – so he could be the better man and save Bill.

He smiled in the dark at the irony of that. He could just imagine the look on Bill's face when he realized that it was Eric he owed his existence to.

_Oh, Bill_ – he thought, suddenly amused. – _You're so screwed. You will get to be neither a hero_ _ **nor**_ _a martyr. Whatever are you going to do? I believe it's a lose/lose for you!_

It was probably one of the few times in Eric's long un-dead existence when he fell into his day-time rest fighting back a snicker.


	4. Chapter 4

Sookie woke up feeling well-rested for the first time in what seemed like ages. She stretched and sighed contentedly. The bright light of day was filtering through her bedroom window; it was a sunny day.

She blinked and smiled lazily as she remembered the previous night's events.

It was such a relief to know that Eric was going to be okay. It felt like a miracle – an unexpected grace, a way out of a hopeless situation, an impossible wish granted.

It had seemed like he had reached the point of no return, there had been no cure, no solution, nothing to do and then, suddenly, it turned out that there was! She couldn't have dreamed up a better scenario even if…

She sat up abruptly, her heart hammering and head swimming from the too quick movement. An icy shudder of fear ran down her spine.

… _couldn't have dreamed up…_

No.

No, no, no. It couldn't be.

Could it?

Eric had been there, at her house, just a few hours before. He had come to her, touched her, kissed her… hadn't he? She remembered the sound of his voice, the feel of his skin under her fingertips, his arms around her, his scent… The memory was so vivid, so real, it couldn't have possibly been just a _dream_.

_Are you sure about that? Have your other dreams about him not felt real? How can you be certain it wasn't just another blood-dream?_

She forced herself to take a deep, albeit shaky, breath and then to exhale slowly in order to not let the panic take over. She needed to think and she needed to think rationally. She was being paranoid. Why would she doubt her own senses and memory?

_Yeah, because it makes more sense for the non-existent cure to suddenly appear out of thin air_ _ **just**_ _when you need it and for Eric to come by_ _ **just**_ _to tell you he is going to be fine after you had pushed him away time and time again than for you to have a dream about something you desperately want to happen. Which one is more likely?_ – a sarcastic, cruel voice in her head said: her own voice. She hated it.

She shut her eyelids tightly.

_Calm_ _ **the fuck**_ _down, Sookie._

She scrambled from her bed clumsily and ran barefoot to the front door, as if she thought she could find some physical evidence of Eric's visit, but of course there was none. What did she expect to find? – He hadn't even entered the house and had not left any items behind. All he had done was stand on the porch and take off some of his clothes and then put them back on. There would be no empty bottle of True Blood, no moved chairs or forgotten shirt conveniently waiting for her to confirm her story and chase the doubt away. The porch was empty and the whole encounter seemed surreal in the daylight.

_Think._

There had to be a way to find out the truth. She knew that she wouldn't fully relax until she saw with her own eyes, when she wasn't exhausted and her brain was on a functioning level, that he was okay, but she needed at least a sign that she had not just made it all up to help her stay calm. Her first instinct had been to drive to Fangtasia and bang on the door demanding entry, but that was exactly what Eric had told her not to do – or at least she thought he had.

_Don't come to Fangtasia._

Maybe she could drive by very slowly and listen to the minds inside the building to see if there were any humans thinking in Japanese…

_I promise not to do anything stupid._

She sighed.

He had said he would contact her… that he might call her… maybe he had? She turned on her heel to look at the answering machine but there was no blinking light indicating that she had new messages. She realized that her cell-phone was still lying somewhere in the woods.

_Brilliant, Sookie._

What if he'd been trying to reach her that way?

Maybe _she_ should call him? She picked up the phone and started pressing the numbers. It was daytime, but maybe…

_Wait for my call._

"Fuck!" she cried out in frustration and threw the phone against the wall. The cheap plastic shattered at the impact and landed in pieces on the floor. Only then did Sookie belatedly realise that she had just cut off the only way Eric could use to communicate with her before nightfall. _Great._

She tried to pick up the pieces and put them back together but her hands trembled too much. She stopped and closed her eyes again. She needed to take a step back and regain some control. She waited what felt a like few minutes, but was probably only a few seconds, for her breath to stabilize before opening her eyes again.

When she did, the first thing her gaze fell upon was her blue bathrobe spread across the armchair – the bathrobe she had put on before going to open the door and finding Eric on the other side of the threshold in the late night hours - the same one she distinctly remembered hanging on the hook on the bathroom wall before going to sleep the night before.

She stared at it for a moment in silence and then started laughing so hard her belly ached. Eventually her laugh turned into a sob and then she finally quieted.

"Oh, Eric," she whispered, resting her head against the cool wall.

The sounds slowly came back into focus through the fog in her mind, returning with the other senses: the chirping of the birds outside, the clock ticking, the loud buzz of the old fridge in the kitchen.

This time her hands were steadier and she actually managed to put the pieces of the phone back together. She was just wondering if it would work when it started ringing and she almost dropped it again in surprise.

"Hello?" she said, answering it hurriedly.

"Sookie?"

She let the disappointment wash over her when the voice wasn't the one she expected and hoped for. She swallowed, "Jessica?" she asked. "Is everything okay? Why are you calling me at…" she looked at the clock, "…noon? You shouldn't be up! You're going to get the bleeds."

Suddenly she remembered. She sat up straighter. Of course – how could she forget?

_And yet you did_ , said the small voice in her head. _You didn't even remember he existed just a minute ago._

"Sookie, I'm so glad to hear your voice! I didn't know who else to call."

"What is it? Is Bill…?"

"He's getting worse! He's awake and he says that he's made his peace with the fact he is sick and he wants to die! He convinced himself it's for the best and I'm afraid that he might try to do something to himself… He even tried to release me…" her voice broke.

"Oh, sweetie, he doesn't mean it. He thinks there is no hope and that it would hurt you less if he…"

"But he had already released me once!" she shouted. "Right after he turned me, when he had his 'I don't want to be a maker' phase… How can he not remember it? Sookie, what kind of maker doesn't remember whether he released his child or not?" The young vampiress sounded heart-broken.

_Only Bill…_

"Jessica, he's delusional," Sookie said firmly, hoping to high heaven that she was right and that was the reason, because she didn't have the heart to tell the poor girl differently. "It's the virus talking. I'm sure the real Bill knows that," she lied. She wasn't sure at all. "How can I help you?"

"Well… He was asking for you…"

Sookie hesitated, remembering how the previous night's visit ended.

"Jess, I don't know… You saw how he got when he saw me…"

"I know. I know and I'm sorry, Sookie! I don't want things to be… awkward for you," it was a nice thing to say that she understood that Sookie might not want to watch Bill hallucinating about being in bed with her. "It's just… I'm really tired and I'm afraid I'm going to pass out if I don't go to rest and he's… could you just come here and make sure he doesn't walk out to meet the sun or something like that? I'm really worried about him. I don't think I can leave him alone right now…"

Sookie looked down and played with the edge of her night-gown. She wasn't particularly looking forward to spending any time in the same room with Bill considering the circumstances, but she knew it was something she needed to do – if not for Bill, for Jessica. It was already hard enough on her.

"Sure, Jess," she said, trying to hide her reluctance. "I'll be there. I just need to do a few things before I can go, okay?"

"Thank you, Sookie. It really means a lot to me. I'll be waiting for you. Just call me when you're outside the door to let me know it's you and then wait for me to unlock it and hide."

"Will do. Bye."

After ending her call with Jessica Sookie changed into some actual clothes, got herself ready, drank her coffee and grabbed a snack to have something to eat at Bill's – after all, she hadn't even had a chance to eat breakfast that morning. She had one more errand to run before going to Bill's: she packed her charger and then she went on a search mission. She retraced her own steps from the night she had walked home from Merlotte's and after spending some time on a frustrating search (she didn't remember which bushes she had recklessly thrown her cell-phone at) she finally found the damn piece of electronic equipment. It was dead, as expected, but she hoped that maybe she would be able to get it working after plugging it in.

She shook her head again at her own stupidity. It was really a miracle she was still alive.

There was no point in dwelling on it so she simply put the cell-phone in her pocket and hightailed to Bill's.

She knocked on the mansion's door.

"Jessica? It's me, Sookie!"

She heard the locks moving and waited patiently for Jessica to tell her it was okay to come in.

"Thank you again for doing this, Sookie," the redhead said, leading her deeper into the house. She looked awfully pale, even for her standards, and there were traces of dried blood both under her nose and in the corners of her eyes. She had probably tried to wash away the evidence of the bleeds, but she had also cried. "He drifted off a while ago, but I'll feel better knowing you're here in case he wakes."

"Just show me where he is and go get some rest, honey. Don't worry about anything. I…" she hesitated, not sure if she should tell Jessica about the cure – she was going to find out if Eric gave it to Bill, but Sookie couldn't be completely sure if he would succeed in getting it on time considering Bill's quickly deteriorating condition and she didn't want to give Jessica false hope. On the other hand, she really wanted to comfort her.

_If Eric promised to help, then he'll help. It's not false hope - it's just hope._

"I talked to someone," she said carefully. "I don't want to raise your hopes, but there might be a way to help Bill."

"Really?!"

"Yes. Really," Sookie smiled softly.

"B-but how? Who?… When?! We should be doing something!"

"I already did what I could and so did you. Now all that is left to do is wait."

"But I didn't do _anything!_  I'm just sitting here with Bill and making sure that he doesn't off himself before the virus does and doing _nothing_ …"

"Exactly. You're watching over him – and as you pointed out yourself, someone has to. Now go get some sleep and I'll take over. Help is on the way."

Jessica looked torn for a moment but finally her shoulders sagged and she nodded.

"Okay," she whispered.

Sookie smiled at her reassuringly. The vampiress hesitated one more time:

"Just how far… on the way is that help?"

"I should know more in the evening."

Jessica nodded again.

"Thank you, Sookie. Whether it works or not, I want you to know how grateful I am to you for even trying. I know you and Bill haven't been…"

"You're welcome, Jessica. I would do that for anyone… and I can't really take too much credit. I did nothing more than ask for help." Sookie thought of Eric: he was doing all the dirty work and he didn't even like Bill.

Jessica smiled for the first time that day.

"Well then," she said. "I guess you asked the right person."

"That I did," Sookie whispered long after Jessica walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

"You're really here."

Sookie jumped, startled by Bill's voice. She'd been lost in thought and didn't realise the vampire was awake. She'd been sitting in the old house in silence for hours, curled up in the big, plush armchair. She tried to read a little but she wasn't able to concentrate on the book.

She kept coming back to fiddling with her phone and constantly checking it for new messages, though she knew very well there were none except for the one one-word text she had found when she had plugged in her cell and turned it on. It read: " _TONIGHT"_ which for some reason made her heart race every time she looked at it.

She looked up and across the room at Bill who was lying on the bed and was staring at her unblinkingly. His unmoving glance unnerved her.

"You're awake," she said, stating the obvious.

He didn't look good – the black veins visible not only on his exposed arms, but also creeping up his neck.

"I wasn't sure," Bill continued, ignoring her statement. "You see, with all the dreams I'm not always sure what's real anymore."

She swallowed and stared at him looking for all the world like a deer caught in the headlights.

"How do you feel?" she asked, trying to compose herself.

Bill's face became blank and a strange, disconcerting smiled played on his lips.

She jumped again when her phone pinged before Bill could answer her. Despite waiting for it to come to life for the last few hours it still managed to surprise her when it actually did.

She quickly looked at the screen. It didn't say anything about the plan, but it meant Eric was awake too. That made her feel better, like the wait was almost over.

" _Stay indoors. Don't go outside after dark,"_ she read.

She wasn't sure if it meant that something was supposed to happen in the neighborhood that night or if Eric was simply warning her not to be reckless and wander around in the night with the infected vamps on the loose but she felt that she needed to let him know where she was.

" _I'm at Bill's,"_ she typed and then she hesitated when it occurred to her how he could interpret that particular piece of information. She added: " _Jess asked"_ but then erased it quickly because it looked too much like she was trying to explain away her guilt when she hadn't done anything to feel guilty about.

She knew that it was a little ridiculous: she wasn't with Eric and she didn't have to explain herself to him, but she also felt it important that Eric knew there wasn't anything more to her being at Bill's than simply being a decent human being. She didn't want him to think she used him to get the cure so that she could be with Bill and have her own happily ever after with the younger vampire. She had hurt Eric enough already by holding too long onto her feelings for Bill in the past.

She typed: " _Be safe_ " instead and pressed 'send' before she could overthink it.

"Who was that?" Bill asked, forgoing answering her previous question.

"Eric," she said reluctantly, but truthfully. She didn't know what Eric's plan was and she wasn't sure how much she could say and how much should remain secret until he got there.

"Eric?" Bill sounded surprised. "What does he want from you?"

Sookie shot him an irritated glance. For all Bill knew Eric was still sick. She had no idea why Bill thought it was perfectly okay for _him_ to tell Jessica to call Sookie and ask for her to come and be with him in his last moments, but found it so strange that _Eric_ would want to hear from her as well.

"He's just checking on me," she said which ended up putting an even more bewildered expression on Bill's face. Sookie internally rolled her eyes; Bill was just so focused on himself it probably really didn't occur to him there might be other things going on in Sookie's life and other people to consider. She sighed and made a decision to reveal a little detail to Bill since it seemed harmless: "He might stop by later," she warned.

"Why?" Bill asked, suddenly growing bitter. "So you can say goodbye to the both of us at the same time again?"

Sookie bristled at the jab and turned red.

"I'm _not_ saying goodbye to Eric!" she said firmly. She took a deep breath and then added more calmly: "Nor to you. You're not dead yet."

"It won't be much longer," Bill said, his attitude blasé.

Sookie sat up straighter.

"Bill, listen to me. I know you're in pain but you need to fight it."

"What's the point? I can't beat it."

"If you don't fight, you'll die for sure," _and it will all be for nothing_ – she finished in her mind.

"I will die anyway, Sookie," he said bluntly. His eyes softened. "It doesn't matter," he added. "It's for the best."

"So I've heard since that's what you told Jessica."

"It's true. Don't worry about me, Sookie. It's okay. I've accepted it. It was always meant to end this way. I was supposed to be dead, truly dead, a long time ago ."

"You can't just give up!"

"It's okay," he repeated. "I want to die."

Sookie looked at him concerned, an uneasy feeling starting to form in her gut. Was he serious? Did he really believe what he was saying?

"You're only saying that because you've lost hope. You don't really want to die, you just think you don't have a choice. If you were not sick, you wouldn't have thought you are supposed to die!"

She certainly hoped that was the case, because if it was not…

Bill shook his head and smiled again.

"No, Sookie. I mean it: I really think it's time for me."

"What if… there _was_ a cure? Would you not take it? Are you telling me you would still want to die?"

"Yes. I would prefer to die. It took Hep-V for me to realise it, but I finally know that I don't belong here. It was meant to be."

"So _now_ you think vampires are wrong and should not be here?" Sookie said, suddenly feeling very angry. "After you bombed the True Blood factories, destroyed human-vampire relations in the name of the crazy ideology that claimed vampires are the superior race and demanded they treat humans like nothing more than cattle and after you decided to become a vampire god?"

"It was a mistake," Bill said in a pained voice. "One I deeply regret."

"So what, you're just going to die and leave your mess behind?"

"You'll be better off without me," Bill said calmly.

"I don't need you to die to be without you" Sookie challenged. "What about Jessica? Is she going to be better off without her maker too?"

She was so mad at Bill at that moment. All the tears Jessica had cried for him, all the guilt she, Sookie, had to endure knowing she was the reason he was dying and he had the guts to tell her it didn't matter?

Did she make a mistake by trying to save him? Was he really going to refuse to take the cure when presented with it? Or was it all talk? She had never imagined he could do something like this, otherwise she would have never asked Eric to get involved if she thought it would be for nothing. She suddenly regretted that she had. Eric was probably risking his neck somewhere in Shreveport at the very moment they were talking, and that self-centered prick…

"She'll be fine," Bill's voice brought her back to reality. "She doesn't need me."

"You're a coward," Sookie spat. "You're running."

"I would hardly call dying from a disease running away, Sookie," Bill reasoned.

"It has nothing to do with the virus and everything to do with your attitude! It's always someone or something else, isn't it, Bill? It's never you. You never take responsibility for your own actions!"

"It's too late now."

"Shut up, Bill! Just…" she took a shaky breath. "…shut up."

* * *

Eric shut the phone before tossing it at the nearest flat surface and turning to his 'guest'.

Mr. Gus warily followed the vampire's movements with his eyes from his place in the corner of Fangtasia's main room where he was sitting tied to the chair.

He cursed himself for not realising any sooner that Eric Northman spoke Japanese fluently.

As for Eric, it never ceased to amaze him that it surprised humans that he could speak more than one or two languages when they knew he was a thousand years old. They were able to master a few during their short lifespan, why did they think he wouldn't learn more during a millennium?

He had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Gus's Japanese boss, the head of the whole Yakonomo corporation.

Things didn't go exactly as planned earlier that night: the first part of Eric's plan worked without a hitch – he had managed to provoke the 'Men in Black' by using his words only. When Pam went to the basement to retrieve Sarah for her make over session, since it was decided that the bitch's hair was to be bleached blond again, Eric made it seem as if he ordered his progeny to not just move Sarah, but to steal her as well.

One of the men took the bait and blocked Pam's way with the intention of stopping her. The second he drew his weapon, his entire arm was removed. Of course Eric came to Pam's 'rescue' and the entire fight was over in less than a minute. The Japanese might be trained, but now that Eric was at full strength they didn't stand a chance against him.

Eric didn't feel the slightest remorse for killing them either: They were professional assassins and they knew what they were signing up for when they took the job.

Unfortunately, Mr. Gus wasn't as accommodating as Eric had hoped and refused to believe Eric's story. He had faith in his employees' loyalty, which was admittedly admirable, but if he had more common sense he would have been smart enough to go along with it once he realised it was too late to help his people. As it was, Eric felt he had no other choice than to forgo Mr. Gus and settle the matter directly with his superiors – hence the chair, the restraints and the phone.

The young businessman listened to Eric's conversation with resignation, already seeing that things were not going to turn in his favour. It seemed his boss took a much more pragmatic approach and was willing to turn a blind eye to the fate of a few low-level employees in order to keep the Viking placated and not to risk a very profitable business – especially when Eric mentioned that he had arranged for his trusted doctor to draw a sample of his own blood after he had been healed and extract the formula for the cure from it to serve as a form of insurance if needed.

It was a bluff, but it was a good one. He fully intended to follow up on his words and have Ludwig do just that or better yet, to give her the sample of Sarah's blood, so he politely informed his new 'colleagues' that from now on he was to be treated like a partner, not like a pawn, and that if anything happened to him or anyone under his protection the full information on the cure would go viral. That little tidbit did the trick and the corporate people certainly seemed much more open to negotiations.

Eric crouched in front of Mr. Gus so his face was in his line of sight before removing the gag.

"I'm afraid something has to change in our working relationship in order for this co-operation to work," Eric said coolly.

Mr. Gus stared at him hard.

"Why am I still alive?" he asked finally, cutting right to the chase.

Eric clucked his tongue, staying in character.

"A dangerous question to ask of the one holding you prisoner."

"I'm not stupid, Mr. Northman. You just proved that you don't need me as a middle man and don't have a problem with killing someone who is in your way either. It simply makes me wonder what you want from me that would make you think twice before disposing of me like you did with my people."

Eric smirked. He appreciated the bluntness and the fact that the man wasn't showing any fear in the face of danger.

"You're right, I don't need you," he said plainly.

"Then why?"

Eric didn't answer immediately, he just looked at the man before him.

"When I was sick, you had the opportunity to snatch Sarah without my help. You didn't have to wait for me to wake. You could have just let me die and take the whole prize. You didn't though, and I can only guess that it was because you had given me your word. Don't think I have forgotten that. _That's_ the reason why you're still alive."

Despite the restrains still biting into his flesh Mr. Gus felt suddenly much better when the meaning of the vampire's words sunk in: he had been right about Eric Northman, after all.

The Viking was ruthless, devious and he didn't have much regard for the law, but he acted according to an inner code the warrior in the younger man recognised and understood. Eric might not be human, but he was the kind of man Mr. Gus could respect.

"Mr. Northman," he said letting a slow smile spread on his face, "I think we might be able to come to an understanding."


	6. Chapter 6

"…this way you can live your lives without the past weighting on you. Truly move on."

"What the hell are you talking about, Bill?" Jessica finally said what she'd had on the tip on her tongue for a while. She had joined Sookie and Bill in his room after dark and found them arguing about whether or not he should give up on his life. "Just how could you dying help either of us to move on with our lives? We can do that just as well, if not better, while you are still alive."

Bill smiled patronisingly.

"I know you believe that, but the truth is, you will not."

"And why would you say that?" Sookie asked, crossing her arms. She managed to regain control over her temper, but her mood was still far from happy.

"Jessica needs to be her own vampire, not just my child, and you, Sookie, you have to stay away from vampires and I think we both know that's not going to happen as long as I'm around."

"What?" Sookie was genuinely perplexed.

"You deserve to live the quiet, peaceful life you've always dreamed of. You should have a family, a human family, fall in love, get married, have children of your own… but you won't get it unless I'm gone. This is why I can't be selfish with you. Try as you may, you won't be able to build a life with someone else as long as I'm alive. There is just something… that always pulls you back, that always pulls us together. You know I'm right. You tried with Alcide, but you told me yourself that you couldn't make yourself love him like you should…"

"Stop it," Sookie choked out and blinked quickly to avoid tearing up. Alcide was still a sensitive subject for her and it was unfair for Bill to bring him up. He had no right. "This isn't about Alcide. You don't get to talk about him."

"I apologise for upsetting you, but surely, you have to see what I'm talking about. In order for you to be free, I need to die. That's the only way."

"Well, aren't you full of yourself," said a new voice from behind them and everybody's heads snapped in the direction it came from. They had been so focused on the argument that they didn't even notice the newcomer standing in the doorframe.

"Eric," Sookie said, her shoulders sagging with relief. "You're all right." She stood up to greet him.

Jessica's eyes widened when she took in Viking's appearance.

"Eric," she echoed, her voice coloured with surprise. "You _are_ all right."

"…or are you?" Sookie asked frowning when she took a better look at him.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked crossing the room quickly to stand beside her.

"You're covered in blood," Bill informed him flatly.

Eric rubbed his jaw with a thumb. He had forgotten to clean up after disposing of the assassins, but surely, Bill was exaggerating? He hadn't ripped out any internal organs this time and his favoured black clothes were good for concealing stains.

"You're all right," Jessica repeated numbly, clearly in shock.

"Eric?" Sookie prompted him for explanation. "Are you in trouble?"

His eyes moved to her face and the concerned expression painted on it. He smiled softly.

"Everything is fine," he assured them, "It's not my blood."

Bill only snorted.

Jessica suddenly woke from her stupor and vamped toward Eric. She moved aside the lapels of his jacket to look at the skin peaking above his tank-top.

"You're healed!" she screeched. "How did you do that?"

"I took the cure," Eric deadpanned.

"I thought there was no cure!"

"There is a very small amount of it."

Jessica stared up at him, her eyes big, round and moist and Eric couldn't help but think that she really was but a child.

"Tell me you brought it with you," she pleaded with him. "You wouldn't have come here just to gloat, would you?"

Eric smirked.

"Have a little faith," he said, producing a full syringe from his pocket and holding it up triumphantly. Sookie had a ridiculous thought that she wouldn't be surprised if he curtsied. He winked at her as if he could read her thoughts.

"What do you mean?" Bill asked sitting up. "Where did you get It from?"

"Believe it or not, I stole it for you, breaking my word not only not to share it, but to tell no one it exists in the process. Now, don't make me regret doing that. Be a good boy, take the cure, and keep your mouth shut, Bill. That last one concerns you too, Jessica. If I find out that you two are babbling about it, I will not hesitate to keep you quiet by any means necessary."

Jessica let go of him and took a step back. She was much calmer now that she knew why Eric was here. She looked between Eric and Sookie, understanding dawning on her as she realised that it had been no accident that the sheriff stopped by and that the telepath had been the one to ask Eric for help.

"I understand, Eric," she whispered.

"Why is it a secret?" Bill asked, a spark of interest for the first time audible in his voice. "Not that you have it, but the very existence of the cure? Wouldn't anyone who's in possession of it want to sell it to the highest bidder? They could make a fortune on it! Vampires are literally dying to get it."

"Because the cure is located in the living host's body," Eric said bluntly, figuring the truth, or at least part of it, was the best policy. "That's also why it's source is finite. If news about it gets out, the vampires would haunt the human in question down, rip them apart and drain the blood along with the cure to the last drop and then it'll be gone. You wouldn't want that, would you?"

"Can't it be replicated?" Jessica asked reasonably.

Eric nodded.

"It can, but it will take time and the True Blood's company owners already got their hands on the tests. Trust me, they're not someone you'd like to mess with, and they are determined to get their money back after the last fiasco. They will be ruthless if anybody gets in their way, and it just happens that they are aware that I know about the cure since I had the chance to drink it right in front of their eyes. They made a deal with me to shut me up and I agreed: I'm not stupid enough to cross them when it could be a win/win for me, but that also means that if the word about the cure gets out, they'll go straight to me looking for a leak, and they're be after my head. Forgive me if I'm not looking forward to die if you can't keep a secret."

Sookie felt her stomach drop. It was evident that Eric shouldn't have been sharing the truth with anyone, since it was glaringly obvious that it was putting him in a dangerous position, but at the same time she understood that it had to be that way if he was to help Bill. He could have denied them an explanation as to where the cure had come from, but then they would have kept asking questions and looking for answers, possibly only making things worse. He had to trust them and Sookie felt a growing worry at that thought. Jess had a good heart and she wouldn't have wanted to put Eric in harms way, but she was very impulsive – was it safe to assume she wouldn't ever blurt the secret if someone manipulated her and put her under pressure, or if someone else she knew got sick? As for Bill… Sookie knew that Eric wasn't inclined to trust him and given their shared history, she couldn't exactly blame him. Even with her own lingering feelings toward the younger vampire she knew there was no doubt about one thing: Bill was a notorious liar. While Sookie believed that he wouldn't give away the information that would endanger _her_ , she wasn't sure if the same sentiment was true where Eric was concerned.

She licked her lips nervously. She had known that Eric was putting himself at risk, but she had thought that it only about collecting the cure; a one-time thing, getting in and out. In reality, it was beginning to shape as something that had a potential to loom over the Viking for a long time. She was learning the hard way that every action had consequences.

"Save the cure for someone else," Bill insisted. "I made my choice."

Apparently, that was enough to exhaust Eric's patience:

"Oh, for fucks sake," he snapped. "Stop being childish and take the damn cure. This isn't just about you."

Bill stared at him coldly.

"You made your choice. Let me make mine."

"Unfortunately, the decision is no longer yours as your mental capacities are questionable."

Bill scowled at him.

"What?"

"I heard you've been hallucinating. Is that not true?"

Bill didn't answer, only thinned his lips and kept glaring.

"You're forgetting about one thing, Bill" Eric said, slowly closing the distance between the sick vampire and himself. "I know this particular disease: No one talks about it but it doesn't affect just your body. I was ready to give up when Pam found me in France. I no longer cared if I lived of died or about anything, really. I would have slowly withered away there, drowned in apathy, if she hadn't come to kick my ass. I think this is what you need right now as well – and I will gladly deliver… Your Majesty."

He flashed a wicked grin at Bill.

It was Jessica who replied.

"Do it," she said firmly. "For God's sake, Eric, do it, because I can't take much more. Just shove the cure down his throat and be done with it."

"Jessica!" Bill cried, outraged.

"And what exactly would you have us to do, Bill?" Jessica asked. "Just ignore the fact that you're dying and we have the cure?"

"I want you to let my die in peace and with dignity. This about it as you think of cancer patients. They can fight the disease but they can also refuse treatment."

Sookie thought that the analogy wasn't quite right since it appeared the treatment was nothing like chemo judging by Eric's condition, but she didn't have time to comment on that before Bill spoke up again, his eyes misting:

"In fact, I would like to ask Sookie for one last favour. An ultimate kindness."

"You gotta be kidding me," Eric muttered under his breath, guessing where it was going.

"What do you mean, Bill?" Sookie asked, not quite getting what he was trying to tell her.

"I would like you to be the one to take my life."

Sookie stared at him for a few seconds in shock, not sure if she understood him correctly. No one in the room said anything.

"You want me to kill you?" she asked disbelievingly.

Bill nodded.

"Think of it as an act of mercy. You could use your light to do that – and then you would be finally free to live the life you…"

"Okay, that's enough," Eric cut him off and vamped to his side. "Here. Done."

"What… did you do?" asked Bill touching his fingers to the stinging point on his neck and when his eyes widened when he saw the empty syringe in Eric's hand. "You had no right!" he thundered. "You don't get to decide of my life! It was my choice to make!"

"Yes, yes, and you can still make it, anytime you want, once you are no longer suffering from the effects of the Hep-V," Eric said exasperatedly. "Nothing's lost. You can kill yourself if this is what you really want, but without dragging anyone into that. Make your choice, take the full responsibility for it, why not? The sun rises every day, Bill, if you wish to meet it, I'm not going to stand in your way."

Bill inhaled deeply but didn't say anything. He was clearly very upset with the turn in the situation.

Jessica's gasp turned everyone's attention away from the argument. Sookie looked closer and saw in fascination that the black veins on Bill's neck were disappearing.

 _Just like this_ , she thought.

"Oh my God, it's working!" Jessica cried out blinking back tears.

"I guess I'm not welcome or needed here anymore," Eric said with a hint of smile. "I'll take it as my cue to leave."

He turned his back to Bill and face the door.

"Bill probably won't say it anytime soon, so I will," Jessica said, stepping into his path to stop him from leaving just yet. "Thank you, Eric. I mean it. I'm really grateful for what you just did and I swear I won't tell anyone what happened here tonight.

Eric acknowledged her with a nod. He turned to Sookie carefully keeping his face neutral.

"Sookie? Do you want to stay or will you be going too?" he asked.

Sookie's eyes wandered hesitantly to Bill who was stubbornly keeping quiet. She looked back to Eric.

"I think it's best if I go," she said sending him a quick smile.

"I'll walk you home, then. It's still not safe for you to walk around after dark."

"Oh, thanks."

She didn't give it any thought; she wasn't making any conscious decision when she took Eric's offered hand without thinking, but all the vampires' eyes were on her when she did. She wasn't aware of making any choice at that moment – or of the fact that the very thing it didn't cross her mind to do any different spoke itself of another choice she had already made.

"I know this is not what you wanted, Bill, but I'm glad this is how it worked out and I'm certain it was the right thing to do," she spoke softly before leaving. "Please don't blame Eric. I asked him to help you, so if it's anybody's fault, it's mine. Goodbye, Bill. Have a good night. Bye, Jessica."

"Bye, Sookie," the redhead returned with a smile.

Sookie turned toward the door tugging on Eric's hand. Bill's and Eric's eyes locked over her head, the former's gaze dark but boiling, the latter's daring the other to say anything. They stood still for a spell, frozen in place, until it suddenly hit Eric that it didn't matter if he looked away first: he had already won – at least this round.

He turned around and walked out of the door into the night, hand in hand with Sookie.


	7. Chapter 7

Sookie took a deep breath of the fresh evening air. A gentle breeze was cooling her face. The night was colder than usual this season in Louisiana, but it was cloudless and bright.

They walked unhurriedly, as if they were enjoying a leisurely stroll, not as if Eric was walking her through dangerous territory looking out for the zombie-like creatures lurking somewhere in the shadows.

It crossed her mind that they should probably cross the distance as quickly as they could but the thought didn't worry her as it should have. She felt safe with Eric.

It reminded her of another time when he had walked her home through the cemetery after burying a werewolf. She remembered how he had shared a piece of advice about disposing of bodies with her, as if he was giving her a practical tip for her day-to-day routine. Her lips quirked and she glanced at Eric from the corner of her eye: was he thinking about that night as well?

She looked up at the starry sky. Neither of them had spoken since they stepped out of Bill's home, but that was okay too. The silence wasn't uncomfortable and she didn't feel the need to fill it with words. It struck her how relaxed she felt around Eric.

She and Eric, they had something, something more than just attraction, or even feelings for each other: an understanding.

It occurred to her that she was always slipping into some role, depending on who she was with at the moment, be it by her own or by the others doing.

She had been working hard not to disappoint her grandmother and live up to her gran's idealistic vision of her; she was acting in a certain way around the townsfolk, always on alert, trying not to let on that she wasn't as 'normal' as they wanted; in a different way around her fairy kin, whom she wanted to have a connection with so they wouldn't see her as too 'ordinary' and boring for them; with Bill when she had moulded herself into the form of that darling girl sighing to her hero, his muse and a guiding light, salvation for his tainted soul; then with Alcide when she all but allowed herself to be turned into a housewife, only without actually getting married, hanging on his arm and seconding his opinions… just to make herself fit into the life she desperately yearned for … always trying to find the balance with the different expectations the people in her life were throwing at her… stuck somewhere between a human and a supernatural…

A girl-next-door, who tells you hello every day and babysits your children.

A responsible sister who can take care of herself, but who drops everything if you need help.

A good girlfriend who always stands by her man.

A supportive friend who takes whatever you throw at her.

A lover – that seductive, fairy-wrapped little tease everybody wanted to have a piece of.

A tough girl who takes everything life gives her.

A telepath.

A Southern Belle.

The list went on.

In essence she was trying to be everybody's little darling. The problem was that nobody was buying the act.

It was nice to simply… be with someone. For some reason, she had never bent to Eric's expectations, but he hadn't damned her for that either. She wasn't sure if he even _wanted_ her to bend. It appeared that he didn't wish to change her, just to have her to himself in all her incarnations. It was almost like he enjoyed the argument and the challenge of finding the compromise; of fitting into her life without changing who she was and without changing the core of who he was.

It occurred to her that maybe he understood her so well because he too knew what it meant to wear a mask. He had many of them himself.

The badass Sheriff to all the local vampires.

The dutiful child to Godric.

The teacher and maker to Pam.

The vengeful son and brother for his human family.

The lost soul who made questionable decisions.

The selfmade millionaire.

The lover and friend.

Was he still wearing one around her? She didn't think so, not anymore. It seemed that just like her, he didn't feel the need to be anyone other than himself when he was with her.

She felt a pang of guilt at the thought that not so long ago she was mistaking the man for the mask he was hiding behind, certain that it was his real face – because he was a man too, of that she was certain now, he was both a man and a vampire, just as she was both human and a fairy. That was probably why he was able to recognise that about her so easily. In the beginning it had been infuriating that he seemed to sometimes see through her without dropping his own mask.

She slowed down when they walked by her gran's grave, feeling a pang of regret. For a second she had an absurd urge to stop and introduce Eric to her dead ancestor, but she stifled it before it could manifest itself as anything more than a sad smile creeping up on her lips.

Eric squeezed her hand, still without saying a word, and it was only then that she realised they were still holding hands. She lifted her gaze to his face, porcelain-white in the moonlight. Could he still feel her? Or maybe he could just read her so well that he guessed what she was thinking about?

They passed the familiar gravestone and continued their walk toward her house, but now Sookie was acutely aware of the physical contact, filling her with both nervousness and longing, and her peace of mind was ruined as the questions started emerging:

What were they doing? What did it mean? Did she want it to mean something? Did _he_?

It would be so easy to just let herself drown in Eric and let everything fade away. She knew he could fill her whole essence: every cell and every thought, her whole body, her soul and her mind and he could make her forget anything else. She could forget every time her heart had been broken, all the suppressed grief, the loneliness, the danger that was always lurking in the shadows. Lost friends. Dead boyfriend.

She blanched.

It was too soon. Alcide had _just_ died, and whether or not they would have worked in the long run, she needed to grieve and Alcide needed to be mourned. Her thinking about someone taking his place mere days after his funeral was no way to pay him the respect he deserved.

Her mind was telling her to take a step back and not to rush into anything – they needed to talk and she needed time – but her very being yearned for connection. She was tired of pretending, of crying, of always trying so hard to keep herself in check. She wanted to be accepted for who she was, not despite who she was. She longed to be held and loved and not to be judged for wanting that, regardless of who and when she wanted – whether it was too soon or inappropriate or just…

She missed him.

…but what if it was too late?

Her heart stuttered and she almost panicked at the thought of Eric disappearing again. The last six months with no contact had been bad enough. She knew how it was to not have him in her life now and she didn't like that one bit. Whatever the outcome, she didn't want that to happen again.

How had he done it when she had been away in Faery?

Well, it had been before the witch's curse, so he hadn't been in love with her yet back then…

Or had he?

He'd been waiting for her. He had told her as much that first night after her return, both with his words and actions, before he covered it up with crass comments and questionable bargain proposals.

She had hurt Eric and she had had more than one opportunity after that to try and fix it and she had thrown away every single one of them. Did he even want to see her ever again after this night was over or was this goodbye? Was he looking for closure? Was him giving the cure to Bill his parting gift for her?

"Please don't go," Sookie said suddenly, impulsively.

Eric's head whipped in her direction in surprise. He stopped and turned to face her.

"What?" he asked. "Where?"

"I mean…" she stuttered and licked her lips nervously. "I… Don't go away again. Don't… leave."

 _Don't leave_ _ **me**_ _,_ the small voice inside her said.

 _Right_ – said the snarky voice. – _You shut the door in his face and now you're accusing him of leaving?_

She'd often wondered if he would have made a stop at her house on his way out of the country when he had been so obviously in dire need of an escape had she not made it painfully clear that he was no longer welcome there. She knew that her home had once been a safe place for him. Maybe he would have disappeared without a word anyway, but rescinding his invitation certainly hadn't helped.

She had often wondered if he had been all right but she had been alone in her longing and concern: she had had no-one to talk about him since none of her friends would have shared or understood her worries. Hell, the reason why she had kept her mouth shut had been because she had suspected that none of them had been willing to accept her thinking about Eric, especially once she'd started dating Alcide.

But she had been – and she no longer had to hide that.

She looked up at Eric nervously. His gaze was fixed on her face, examining it carefully yet gently.

"I don't plan to," he said.

She let out the breath she'd been holding.

"Good," she whispered and tried to smile but she didn't fool him.

"What is it?" he asked softly, lifting his hand to brush the back of his fingers against her cheek – the gesture so tender and natural that it made her throat tighten with emotion.

"It's just…" the words failed her. Her eyes searched his. "Are you okay, Eric? Truly? And I don't mean just the virus."

His eyes seemed bottomless when he stared right back at her. Something in his expression made her heart race when he answered, "I'm getting there."


	8. Chapter 8

They stood for a moment in silence, looking into each other's eyes. Eric seemed perfectly calm; Sookie was anything but.

"I owe you an apology," she said before the silence could become too much. "It never crossed my mind that Bill might refuse the cure. I had no idea he was going to act… like this."

She made a vague gesture toward Bill's house.

It wasn't the only thing she was sorry for, but this one was the easiest to talk about.

Eric shrugged, dismissing her apology.

"Not your fault," he replied easily.

She licked her lips. She felt the need to continue talking, but she also didn't seem to be able to take her focus off the fact that he was standing so close.

"I'm sorry for putting you in such a dangerous spot, too," she added. "I didn't realize what I was asking you to do. I didn't really think it through and it hadn't occurred to me how much risk… a long-term risk you were going to walk into until tonight."

"It's done. I can take care of myself."

She stifled a snort.

"What?"

"Eric Northman, I recall you almost burning from the sun or fire so many times since I've known you that I have trouble counting them."

Eric smirked. She didn't even know about Mr. Gus chaining him and Pam in front of the window… nor his failed attempt at sunbathing.

"Touché."

He smiled wider when she glared at him.

"Don't worry about me, Sookie. I know how to spin a situation to my advantage. I gained an inside-man in Yokonomo tonight. He'll tip me off if the board decides to move against me."

She nodded.

"Good. Do you trust him?"

"To warn me? Yes. To take out one of his own for me? Not so much. As long as I don't ask for that there shouldn't be a problem."

They fell silent again; Eric's thumb was rubbing her knuckles slowly.

God, he was acting as if she had never let him down. How could it be?

"Why did you help me Eric?" she asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"Why did you agree so easily to get the cure for Bill?"

Eric smiled.

"I care about very few people in this world. A small handful of vampires... and you. I want you to be happy. You've already lost enough friends this week and while I'm not sure if Bill is what you would call a friend to you these days, you certainly don't need to watch him die."

Oh yes. Not just Alcide, but Tara, too – and Eric was aware of that.

 _Of course he's aware –_ she scolded herself. – _Tara was Pam's child. His bloodline._

It was an odd thought but it occurred to her that by a strange twist of fate, it was his loss too.

She shook her head. There were so many things she hadn't thought of...

"It still surprises me that you don't hate me," she admitted.

"Oh, I tried at first," he confessed. "I failed quickly and spectacularly."

She blinked and he chuckled at the expression on her face.

"I've never been good at letting go," he offered as an explanation. "It's my weakness – a fatal flaw, if you prefer. I suspect that's why Godric spent so much time drilling into me to not get attached in the first place. I'm not what you would call a people person and I don't exactly take a liking to people easily, but once I start caring for someone, well… Let's just say that forgetting has never been my strong suit… both when it comes to hate and to love."

The very sound of the word 'love' in Eric's mouth made Sookie gulp. She didn't know what to say to that, but she thought that it rang very true to what she knew about Eric. He might seem indifferent and egocentric at first glance, but she'd also come to know him as passionate and loyal to a fault. It was something that seemed to be ingrained in the very core of his personality and – in her opinion – it wasn't something that could or should be removed. It also gave her a glimmer of hope.

"It's not a flaw," she whispered finally. "It's what makes you you."

_And she happened to like him a lot._

He inched a little closer and the action stole a little more breath out of her lungs. You would have never believed he was a vicious killer by looking at his face at that moment…

 _Well, that is, if you ignored the splash of blood on his neck and jaw_ – Sookie thought soberly.

Yet, she felt no desire to pull away.

"I used to want to change who I am… for my whole life, really," she said feeling compelled to continue this strange conversation in the graveyard.

"Like the fact that you are part fairy?" he asked.

Sookie smiled sourly.

"Oh, I didn't even know that until recently. For a very long time I only knew that I was a telepath. I thought there was no one else like me; that I was alone. I didn't know about the supernatural world back then so you can imagine how much I felt like a freak. I used to believe that if only I could somehow make it go away it would fix all that was wrong in my life: I would be able to have friends, a social life, I would be able to date, maybe even get an education, a better job… Did you know that after I found out that my magic is finite I once tried to get rid of it?"

"I didn't know that. Is that even possible?"

"Oh yes. I went to the field planning to blast it all away into the sky. I even started… obviously I didn't go through with that, but I was close."

"You don't feel that way anymore, do you?"

She shrugged.

"I don't know. I thought I was over that, but now… I'm not so sure."

"What do you mean? Why?"

She hesitated.

"How much did you hear at Bill's?"

A flash of anger flickered over Eric's face.

"Enough to know he was spouting bullshit."

"Something he said made me think. He has a theory. He believes I'll never be able to stay away from danger for two reasons: one, the vampires would always seek me out, lured by my light. That actually makes sense."

Eric looked at her sullenly. In a way, it was true, but at the same time it wasn't: Sookie's magic was extraordinary and beautiful, but it wasn't just the Fae 'light' that was so alluring about her. Sookie possessed a different kind of light as well, all on her own. Without it all her faeness would do would be to present the temptation to suck her light, along with her blood, to the last drop. It created craving, not feelings.

"That's only part of the truth," he said.

"Well, the other part isn't any better. According to Bill it works both ways: I attract vampires, because I attract darkness. Something inside me seeks it. That's why I am and always will be a trouble magnet. Dangerous things follow me because I'm drawing them in."

"So you'd squash the light along with the darkness? What's the point then?"

"I don't know, Eric," Sookie sighed, suddenly feeling tired. She had hoped that sharing her doubt with Eric would help her get rid of it but, when she voiced it, it sounded even more real. She remembered how outraged she had felt after the attack at Bellefleur's when everybody – including Alcide – had been thinking that it had been somehow her fault that the infected vamps had showed up at the party, but what if there had been more merit to the story than she had thought? "I no longer want to get rid of it, but with everything that's going on lately… There is always so much death around me and if I'm somehow making it worse…"

"A half-truth is not _the_ truth," Eric cut her off brusquely.

"What _is_ the other part of the truth then?" she asked. She really wanted him to have the answer to that.

"You're missing the point. _You_ are the light one."

She dropped her gaze and he cursed inwardly, because he realized she didn't believe him.

"Sookie. Look at me," he said lifting her chin. He waited until she looked up. "Out of the two of us which one do you think is Danger, Darkness and Death?"

He knew he surprised her when she didn't try to speak again.

" _I_ am the Night. _You_ are the Day. _You_ are the sun. _I_ am the monster that lurks in the shadows. I am blood, fear and pain. I am the killer."

She freed herself from his grip on her chin.

"No. That's not who you are!" she protested hotly. "You're… more!"

If Eric noticed that in her search for words she uttered the same phrase he had used when he had been trying to convince her that he wasn't lost to her after he had regained his memories, he didn't let it show.

"But isn't it?" his voice was cool and calm. "Look at me. I'm covered in blood. I have killed someone – more than one person, in fact – tonight, without sparing a second thought. You know that's just the tip of the iceberg. You've seen me ripping a person's heart out of their chest. You're telling me that's not true?"

"It's not…!" she stopped in the middle on the sentence when the realization hit her and then she finished slowly: "…the whole truth."

She looked at his face amazed, finally understanding what he was doing.

"A half-truth," she echoed softly.

_And the half-truth is not the truth._

"Yet, I remember asking you once if I'm evil and you denying. I'm going to ask again now, and it's not just a rhetorical question: do you think I'm evil?"

"No," She whispered, feeling tears prickling at her eyes. "No, Eric. You're not evil."

"And you thought that _you_ were the villain here?"

She flung herself forward and hugged him tightly. Much to her surprise, he stiffened initially.

"Ahhh, Sookie? I really _am_ bloody… You'll… Too late," he ended grimly.

She smiled but didn't look up when he sighed resignedly and gingerly put his arms around her.

 _I love you,_ she thought, but the words didn't slip out just yet.

She stood still, clinging to him until she felt him relax.

"You know, you were right about one thing," he said to the top of her head.

"About what?" she asked dreamily.

"There is no one else like you. I just don't see how that is a bad thing." She shut her eyes and just listened to his voice with her ear pressed against his chest. "And you're not alone," he added. "Not unless you wish to be left alone."

Sookie squeezed him tighter in answer to the unvoiced question. 'Alone' was the last thing she wanted to be.

She looked up at Eric.

He was so close now that had he still needed to breathe, she would have felt his breath on her face - and she just knew what he was going to do next.

She stood frozen, still indecisive as to what was the right thing to do under the current circumstances. She knew what she _wanted_ – but was it the same thing? Was it what she should do?

She didn't move a muscle when he leaned down, battling with her thoughts to the last possible second, until his mouth was just one hair's breadth away from hers – and then every thought in her head simply evaporated.

The kiss was both familiar and new, because this Eric was a slightly different person than both his amnesia and pre-amnesia self. Sookie found herself sinking into it the way you would sink into a soft cushion after a long day. There was no nervousness, only relief.

 _This is right_ – said a voice in her head.

 _This is wrong_ – said the other.

The first one sounded like Eric. The second one like Alcide.

She stilled.

"Wait," she whispered against his lips.


	9. Chapter 9

Eric paused and then immediately straightened his neck. The moment was broken.

He noticed the hesitant change in Sookie's stance and his hold on her loosened. She panicked when she saw the shift in his eyes, the two deep wells closing up – windows replaced with the looking glass – and she gripped his sleeve to stop him before he could step back, having the vague feeling that if she pushed him away one more time he wouldn't come back.

"No! Wait!" She called. "That's not… I didn't want you to… No, stop, that's not what I… I didn't mean… Just _wait_. Damn you, can you listen? I said 'wait', not 'go away'!"

The anger started to rise in her as well – at him for jumping to conclusions, and at herself for making him expect the worst.

Eric stood still.

"What _do_ you want, Sookie?" his low voice rumbled.

She was such a mess. He must have thought she was running hot and cold on him, but she really just didn't know where they stood and how to explain everything to him.

She took a deep breath.

"I want you to stay," she said firmly.

"I'm here."

"We need to talk."

"We're talking."

She gritted her teeth. She forgot how difficult he could be.

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong?" he asked, taking pity on her.

Her glance darted toward the other side of the cemetery, where the fresh grave was.

"Ah," Eric caught on. "The wolf. You feel obligated? Guilty?"

Frankly, it made him feel better if that was the reason. It was simple, understandable… and something that would go away in its own in time.

"No."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Well, not quite," she relented. "I just… feel like I haven't grieved the many people I should have properly and I moved on too fast trying to bury my feelings along with my lost ones and I regret that. It's a mistake I don't want to repeat. Alcide was a good man – I'm not sure if we were good for each other, but he was a good man nonetheless. He was my friend too. I… feel like it's wrong to simply push his death away and pretend it didn't happen. I don't want to forget about him so easily."

Eric obviously was onto something with his assesment of the situation but it wasn't just that she felt guitly having feelings… or rather for acting on her feelings for Eric so soon. It was more like she was afraid it wouldn't be fair, not only to Alcide, but to Eric as well – he wasn't just someone to fill the void and she didn't want to use him like that.

Sookie didn't regret the time she had spent with Alcide. She didn't quite like the person she was with him, but that was as much her own fault as his. She knew there were cracks foreshadowing the fall of that relationship, but she had learned something very important from it: in a way she thought that she had to try being with someone like Alcide at least once in her life in order to see for herself that her dream of settling into a normal life had been just that – a dream.

"I'm not asking you to forget," Eric's voice rang clear in the night chasing away the ghosts of the past. "I just told you I don't forget – I couldn't ask that of you."

With that Sookie was reminded again that she should stop assuming that he would expect her to change.

"So you need space," he concluded matter-of-factly. "Do you want me to back off?"

"No," she said sharply. "I don't want you to stay away. If anything, I think we should spend more time, not less, but slow down and take one step at the time… starting with actual conversation about...well, about us.

It's not that I'm not sure about you, Eric. I am. I missed you and I've spent months wondering about what-ifs. If this is a second chance I would be stupid not to take it. I admit, it sometimes amazes me that you can still look at me this way after all the shit I… not _this_ way, you pervert…" she glared at him when he leered at her and he smirked before mouthing ' _I can'_. She lost most of her steam observing his antics and she could no longer remember where she was going with her sentence – on the upside, looking down her cleavage seemed to have a blissfully pacifying effect on Eric and he no longer looked somber. Finally she settled on ending her speech with a simple: "I just… if we're doing this, I want to do it right this time."

It wasn't like she had doubts about Eric or that she was afraid she might do something she'd regret later, but she felt that jumping head on into whatever this would be and picking up where they left off as if nothing had happened in the interim might not be the best way to go.

"Wait…Are you… are you _laughing_ at me?!" she yelled, offended when she noticed the corners of his mouth quirking suspiciously. "It's not funny, you jerk!"

A wide grin split Eric's face after she said that and he gathered her close in his arms despite the obviously displeased expression on her face.

"I'm not laughing at you," he said. He sounded awfully like he was. "I'm happy."

Sookie was still looking at him with furrowed brows – she didn't get what was so funny about what she just said, or what would make him happy - though his answer _did_ make a warm feeling spread through her chest… His smile - his true smile - was a thing of rare beauty and it took her breath away to see it again aimed at her.

"Hold on, mister!" she protested seeing that he was leaning down again and she tried to back away a little. "Did you hear nothing of what I just said? No more kissing before we finish talking!"

"It's just a kiss," he murmured with a spark in his eye, stirring another memory.

She snorted.

"Uh-huh. We both know how _that_ ended."

Suddenly, he turned serious again.

"Did it?" he asked.

"What?" she questioned, puzzled.

"Did it end?" Eric clarified.

Her forehead cleared of confusion and worry and unknowingly to her, her face filled with another emotion when they took a quiet moment to simply look in each other's eyes. Eric couldn't help thinking that she looked especially beautiful when her features settled into that soft expression and her eyes lit up from the inside with a warm glow. There was that Sookie-light he had been missing.

She placed her small hand on the back of his neck and raised to her tip-toes to answer him without words by doing exactly what she told him not to do.

"So?" she asked softly, almost shyly, after breaking the kiss. She rested an open palm on his chest, driven be a need to keep touching him. So close… Almost there… "What do you think?"

"What I already told you: I'm here. I'm not leaving."

"Yeah, but… are you sure about _this_?" she asked, because it needed to be said aloud - the remaining twinge of nervousness suddenly coming back and colouring her voice one last time. "So much happened. Things changed."

"Not for me."

She looked at him long and hard, taking in his meaning and trying to decide if she should press the matter or if that was the moment when she could let go and give in. A thought slowly formed in her mind: maybe she worried for nothing, because there was no wrong way they could do it as long as they did it together?

"Come on," she said feeling like she was waking from a long, tiring dream. "You need to clean up and then we have six months' worth of catching up to do."

THE END


End file.
